So Bright and Delicate

I first watched Bright Star when I was alone and tired, munching on crackers and feeling deliriously out of my mind. I was half-submerged in a sea of blankets after returning from two parties that night, ready to fall asleep after making the half-hour trek in high heels back to my bedroom. It was exhausting, but I put this movie on and let it numb me to sleep. Of course, it was all in a very good way.

I hadn't paid any attention to poetry before I came to university. I used to be one of those people who refused to touch a poem because it was too naive, too contrived. That's all bullshit, of course. Read some of Shakespeare, some of the Romantic poets, and you'll understand why I've chosen to relentlessly love my major. 

Bright Star is a film by Jane Campion. It stars Ben Whishaw (pictured above, basking in some trees like it's nobody's business) and a raven-haired Abbie Cornish. Both are cited as incredibly young and gifted actors who present the love story of one John Keats and one Fanny Brawne with such beautiful and heartbreaking sincerity that it made me haplessly wish I had my own tragic love story, if only for the letters I would gain from it.

That's why I bought So Bright and Delicate: Love Letters and Poems of John Keats to Fanny Brawne today. It gets me every time that he died at 25 while away from the love of his life. (What gets me more than that is how I keep going back to this film, despite my reservations of cynicism and bitterness about love.)

Watch this video below. Watch the film. Just watch it all, like I know I will be tonight.

To the Holidays

I've spent a good part of my break from school in anticipation of something - a deadline, a trip to the airport, a TV airing of Love Actually that somehow keeps evading me.

I have three deadlines to work to during the break. I'm welcoming the work, as strange as that is to believe. I've spent the better part of the past few weeks sitting and indulging in ten hours of Game of Thrones. As much as I love me some Sean Bean to go with my non-existent winter snowfall, I knew that the sloth-like behaviour had to come to a halt.

So now I spend a few hours of my day emailing, making phone calls and generally planning what I have to write about once all the interviews and research come together. It's at a much slower pace than what I'm used to, but at least I now get to quasi-pretend that I'm a working-from-home reporter. However, I don't have an office. Just yet.

Today I took a break from all that and vegetated in front of the television watching Home Alone as my mother attempted marzipan-glazed rolls. They were divine. I also went on a whirlwind foray into gift shopping for Dan's family before picking him up at the airport. Needless to say, it's nice to have him back.

The above photo is of my family on their first, presumably annual, Christmas tree hunt. They went on this wonderful adventure while I was in my cocoon of HBO and digestive crackers. This photo contains the most snow I've seen since the holidays began. Seriously - my backyard looks like it's desperately trying to be its Autumn self. I say thee nay. I want snow! (The good kind that you can watch from your family room window while you feel cozy and safe, not the kind that earns the name "Snow-pocalypse".)

Perspective

Verklempt: To be choked with emotion.

Restless

I have a class titled "Literary Nonfiction." We basically discuss New Journalism and all that comes with it. It's the class that made me read more Didion, more DFW and many more writers whom I would have never read otherwise.

Molly Young, being awesome and stylish

One of these bright authors is Molly Young. She wrote a review of Adderall in n+1 titled "Kickstart My Heart." The professor assigned it as the last reading of the syllabus. My hypothesis? He was giving a giant wink to the class: don't take Adderall, kids. It'll ruin ya.

She makes it sound so terribly appealing though. Reading through weeks worth of textbook in just under 72 hours? Absorbing information like a zealous sponge? Not getting distracted by Internet demons like Facebook, Reddit or 4chan? Yes, yes and YES.

At the end of the essay, Young breaches upon an epiphany: she never really learned anything. She didn't know what she hated at the end of her post-secondary career; she never discovered what she was good at. Perhaps this seemingly-pointless trudging through schoolwork does serve an ultimate purpose. Are we supposed to reach the light at the end of the tunnel? Is that light just supposed to blind us, making us declare, "Oh right, I haaate that"? Well, of course. We all hate lights in our eyes. Ask anyone pulled over by the cops late one Saturday night.

Despite whatever foray into Adderall or similar drugs you might encounter (Prozac, Ritalin, etc.), take a look at Molly Young's Tumblr here. She's not much older than me and I already feel like she's light-years ahead.

Then again, we can't all contribute to GQ or star in a Sleigh Bells video.

Hours

I've been spending a lot of my time on Reddit. It's pretty bad. I just spent the better part of the past two hours reading an old AMA (Ask Me Anything) by a former cast member of All That.
Other things I have been spending my time on:

1. Trying to figure out ways to limit time spent on timewaster websites. So far, only StayFocusd (for Chrome) has worked. Unfortunately, there's a loophole where you can switch off the extension on your browser entirely and - kaboom - you've just spent three hours on Facebook and Gmail for no good reason.
2. I've been indulging in food. I'm talking ridiculous gourmet coffees from my campus' coffee place. I'm too lazy to walk to the 'Bucks so I've been doing little things to my coffee - like coffee with a shot of peppermint or a chai latte with a shot of chocolate. Shots. They're great for you.
3. Studying. It's finals crunch time, which means I have degenerated into a caffeine-shooting, bloodshot-eyed monster who can only speak in ridiculous-sounding phrases like "Toilet am i shherrmerrrr???" or "I can totally pass this exam, right guys?" It's been a tough time.
4. Playing Pokemon Red. Somehow, I decided it was a good decision to download an emulator and some variation of Pokemon that I never got to play in my childhood scumbag years. It's been a wild three days, but I've gotten my Pikachu to level up. Which is amazing, all things considered.

Now that exams are coming to a close(ish), I figured I would write some random words here and pray that they made sense. Oh, and I also watched Breaking Dawn but I think we can all agree that it's a spectacularly awful movie and requires no real explanation other than my shouting that Bella and Edward (Belward, as it were) have REALLY TERRIBLE SEX.

That in itself may have made the whole movie-watching venture worth it. I haven't laughed like that since my terrible ex tried to befriend me. Ludicrousness at its finest.

Here's a song from a band I just started listening to today. It may make this entire rant worth it: