You know, I nearly forgot about this blog. I was getting ready for bed last night, thinking about how I hadn't written anything "for me" in a while, when I realized: oh right, I have a URL registered. I have a login at blogspot.com. I have space on the internet!
It's just over three weeks until Iceland, and all I can think about are clothes - what to wear in Reykjavik, how many sweaters to pack, why the fuck are rain pants so expensive?! The list goes on. Perhaps I'm distracting myself from more meaningful, potentially terrifying, thoughts. Frivolity is good for that.
As this is my first time traveling solo, something I hope to do for the rest of my life, I'm confronted with the fact that I will actually be ALONE. I've wanted this for so long, to just head off to another country, cut off contact for a little while and be alone with my thoughts. I've even ordered Walden for reading on the plane. Because I'm insufferable.
I'm terrified for two reasons: one, what if I end up in some horrendous glacier-related situation where I need help and no one's there and, two, where the hell is my mind going to go in those 10 days?
Ten days is nothing, I'll give you that. There was some television show I was watching last night (who am I kidding - it was Grey's Anatomy) where a man was lost in the desert for two months. Two months! What do you even become after going that long without human contact? I'm not optimistic about it, but I'm terribly curious.
They say that fear is an important driver for change. I've been in the same place for about a year now - chasing after other things, unable to settle and really appreciate what I have. I know this. I'm selfish and lack empathy or foresight a lot of the time.
A friend once told me (yelled at me) that I don't know what I want, and that's my problem. Scaring the shit out of myself is a good thing. I don't know how effective this trip will be, but one can always hope.
